Yeah.
Bored now!
So, instead, I'm going to post my crappy query letter and let you guys take pot shots at it!
Since I trust you, my strange unfathomable followers, with everything else why not let you tell me all the things that are wrong with my letter!
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Dear Agent,
Do you remember the night of your high school graduation?
Riley Kincaid can remember every moment in startling detail.
Colin Campbell’s memory of that night has more holes than the PGA tour.
While Colin is home, taking a break from his band’s chaotic schedule to attend his twin sister’s wedding, his own world is rocked when he confronts Riley to learn why she has scorned him for almost ten years.
Riley has vowed to be the perfect bridesmaid to her best friend, Kerry, even when she is forced to spend three days with the man that literally loved her and left her.
After Colin and Riley begin to practice full disclosure about their past they agree to take a chance on their future. But, will their new tenuous relationship survive the launch of his band’s rock tour and domineering manager and her formerly absent but currently intrusive parents?
Setting the Record Straight is my contemporary romance of approximately 55,000 words in length.
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Have at it! What do you like? What do you hate? What do you get? What don't you get? What did I forget? Why doesn't anyone want it? Does it suck? Have you already read this book? Should I put it away? Should I hang up my QWERTY keyboard?
Let me know.
Just for fun:
Have you guys checked out the Jousting Peeps yet? Go see Erin at Something Else to Distract Me!
I think it sounds good, I'd give it a read:-) Stop in & read The Quatrefoil Watch
ReplyDeleteFirst - sounds like a great book!
ReplyDeleteNow, speaking from the experience of getting thrashed at AW:
I would remove first 3 sentences, they are cliches. Hook with tension of Riley & Colin (next 2 paragraphs). My thoughts:
*Riley has vowed to be the perfect bridesmaid to her best friend even when she is forced to spend three days with her twin brother who loved her and left her at their prom.*
*Colin is home, taking a break from his band’s chaotic schedule to attend his twin sister’s wedding. He confronts Riley to learn why she has scorned him for almost ten years.*
*Colin and Riley attempt to take a chance on their future. But will their new tenuous relationship survive the launch of his band’s rock tour and her intrusive parents?*
Like I said, it sounds great. I keep revising my query letter and sending it, so you can take or leave my unpublished advice...=)
happy q day!
I haven't written a query letter as yet. This sounds great to me. I love the sound of your book too. Would love to read it.
ReplyDeleteupinthecosmos - Thanks I appreciate your comment!
ReplyDeleteTara - Bite your tongue! Prom! Ugh!
Sorry, do I sound bitter?
I get what you are saying. Your changes have merit. I will certainly think about it.
Ann - Thank you. You can start reading the beginning if you click on Setting the Record Straight parts 1-4 if you like.
sorry - I meant HS grad, I kept going up and down to re-read and type. ack!
ReplyDeletehere's a site that popped up today, meant to be =) she's got an agent and has been published!
http://blog.janicehardy.com/2009/04/query-ho.html#more
I'm no query expert, but based on just the writing, I'd want to read the first few pages. :)
ReplyDeleteYou're brave to put up your query for inspection!
Tara - I checked out the site. Very interesting info! Thank you.
ReplyDeletedamyantiwrites - Thank you. I appreciate that. I don't know about brave but certainly crazy!
I checked today. I sent this out to 20 agencies/publishers total. No bites.