Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!

Bring out your dead!

I'm not dead yet!

**

I know. You've all been wondering.

I was deep in the rabbit hole but I think I'm mostly out now. 

As usual, you guys are the best, sharing your kind words and support.

I got a bunch of love from my family too. It's helped a lot.

It's not that I'm broken-hearted about the contest. I was certainly disappointed. I guess I was more upset with the Dear John email from HQN afterward. The more I thought about it though, my stuff really never did fit their parameters. If I had been honest with myself I never should have entered to begin with. I guess I was just looking for a quick fix to my eternal slump and thought the contest was it.

So, onward and upward. 

Technically I'm not supposed to send out my book for a few months or something and also it's a terrible time of the year to get noticed so I guess waiting until January would be the best idea.

You guys know how I love waiting.

**

I hope y'all had a very nice Thanksgiving holiday.

We had two full days of Thanksgiving plus my son's 7th birthday and the lighting of the Christmas tree in our village. Then we went to the Christmas parade in NJ followed by a pancake breakfast a few towns over. It was a whirlwind couple of days.

I am thankful for so many things but mainly for my family and all my friends, near and far.

Oh, how I miss you blogfest!

Sorry, I'm late. I noticed a few people made comments on my last blog post looking for this blogfest and I had forgotten about it.

The Oh, how I miss you blogfest hosted by Andrew Leon, Matthew Rush, and Alex J. Cavanaugh.

The bloggers we really miss…
and the ones we would really miss! 

There are a few blogs that I always check on every few days and I would miss them if they didn't blog any longer.

Alex J. Cavanaugh: Always there with a kind word or a bit of advice. Gives us great information all the time mostly about other people cause he's humble.

Tara Tyler Talks: Great inspiration and supporter. I have more in common with her than half my family. Her posts make me smile whether they are writing related or about her kids.

Nancy S. Thompson: I called on her for help out of nowhere and she came through in a pinch. Gave me some great critiques and motivation. I'm honored to call her friend and blogger buddy.

So, there you have it.
Thanks for stopping in.

So here is us, on the raggedy edge.

I was so sure this time.
I daydreamed about my upcoming fame.
I had a great big smile on my face for days on end. 

But, nothing came. It was one day past the contest announcement day.
Two days.
Three.

On the fourth day, Twitter exploded, my new contest friends twittering that the winners had been announced.

Before I even saw the names I knew it wasn't me because I hadn't been contacted.

Okay.

It's painful but survivable. I'm not going to fold on one contest.

They keep saying even if you don't get picked for the top three, watch your email. Some of the contest editors may decide to publish anyway.

So, I went to check. I opened my email with a sense of anticipation instead of trepidation. And there it was. An email from the contest.

A rejection email.

The thanks but no thanks email.

It just shouldn't bother me that much. It just shouldn't.

I'm stunned. I'm exposed. Hollowed out. Moments from losing my cool.

And I know all the right things to do and say. I've heard them. I've said them. 

It's just one publisher. 
Don't give up.
Keep writing.
Keep pushing forward.
One publisher's rejection is another publisher's acceptance.
[insert famous author's name here] was rejected X number of times before they were picked up.
Grow thicker skin.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

This sucks.
This *&^%$#@ sucks.

I thought it was my turn.

But, its not.

It's painful to go on Twitter and see all the other participants getting picked up or having their full manuscripts requested. I'm happy for them. I try to send positive thoughts their way. 

I've kept it to myself for days but I just need to talk it out. That's what this blog has always been about for me.

A place I don't need permission to write what I want or how I want to write it.

Now, don't worry. I'm just a bit melodramatic right now. It'll pass. I need to get back to pissed off. Back to my normal even keel of fuck'em if they can't take a joke self.

Meanwhile, since in IRL I don't smoke any more and rarely drink, cause I have poor self-control, who wants to get virtually drunk and light up with me?

I never did mind about the little things.

Iron Man - 2012

Stormy's weather prediction: Are you *&^%$#@ kidding me?

Thankful and Insecure.

So, I'm not at home. I had a family issue to deal with so I'm remote posting from my phone.

But...I want to tell you how thankful yet insecure I am.

I can't put up the links this way but I'm participating in Tara's blogfest. We are supposed to thank our readers/blog friends/CPs that help us and support us.
I have a ton to thank.
My mom, Suzanne. My sister, K, aka Anon. My friends Tara, Nancy, Alex, MJ, Tracey, Murees and so many more that come all the time to my blog and leave encouraging words and share in my misery and triumphs.
You are the glue that holds me together.
Thank you so much.

As for insecure...duh...have you met me?

Today is Alex J. Cavanaughs Insecure Writers Support Group post.

I'm so pathetic.

Due to Superstorm Sandy the power/internet/phone was knocked out at the NY offices of Harlequin. The top 28 finalists in the contest were supposed to be notified by Monday. We still haven't heard.

Its torture but at the same time I know people who have lost everything in this storm so I have nothing to complain about.

There are daily collections of supplies going to NY and NJ around here to help the victims.

I can't believe how petty I can be wondering about the results.

And yet...that's all I can think about. Epic fail.

Perhaps we will hear today or maybe soon. I'll just eat some more chocolate. And wait.

Did I mention we have a Nor'easter coming tonight?

Woo and a Hoo!

So, how are you?
Have anyone to thank?
Feeling insecure?