Uncertainty raises its ugly head.

I hate feeling like this.
I hate not knowing what to do.
I want to continue my story. I even have the new direction that I was looking for.
But then that little nagging voice in my head says:
Why bother spending all that time writing if no one is ever going to read it? (except for a select few)
Why bother writing it if no one will ever publish it?
Why invest the energy knowing I won't ever make a dime?
Why waste valuable time, I should be spending with my family, on some dumb story?
Then I talk to one of the select few, who I have let read the first 100 pages or so, and he says: Where's the rest?
It's so frustrating?
I'm so tired.
I'm hoping this is just hormonal.

You will RUE the DAY!

I just heard that on a television show and desperately needed to use it myself.
You will RUE the DAY!
Chances are I will never write that in any of my stories.

So, we have been discussing Pantsing and Plotting (or as L.A.W. called it: 'Plodding').
I mentioned to her that there has to be a happy medium somewhere between the two.

I am sure I was not the first to come up with these two:

Plottypants or Pantyplots?

I suppose most writers do this unconsciously anyway.

As for me I haven't written a word since Monday morning. I am really stuck. I have a serious annoying feeling that I have to cut back a few pages and start anew but I'm still not sure where to go after that even if I do.

I have certainly stuck my big ol' foot in it this time.

I want the book to be exciting but I don't want the main female character to be constantly in 'mortal' peril. Sometimes that can get annoying.

What mess did she get into now?

I don't want her to appear to be the dumb damsel in distress either. Couldn't avoid danger cause she was so busy looking at the hunky guy.

But...

She is the one the plot revolves around so I need to do something to make sure she stays that way and keep it interesting.

Aggravation!

Frustration!

AAARRR! AARRRRR! HULK SMASH!!!

Maybe not that bad.

It will come to me. Probably in the middle of the night. I'll be making a list of groceries items I need in my sleep and suddenly the answer will be there. Hopefully it will still be there when I wake up!

Wrote myself into a corner.

Darn, darn, darn.

I got up early this morning, while the house still slept, and wrote a few pages. It was very nice.

I was unable to write Friday or Saturday so it felt good to do it this morning.

Then I read what I wrote.

Damn if I didn't write myself right into a corner.

And what I mean by that is I have boxed myself in and in order to get out - something drastic would have to happen, or a character will have to break and say something they don't want to say (and I think it is entirely too early to do that) or I will have to backtrack and re-write some.

Ergh.

I didn't have a clear direction this morning. Not that I always do. But today I was just winging it.

I know they have a term for writing the way I do. I think its pantsing. Writing by the seat of ones pants. Something like that. They have a term for the opposite as well, to write with an outline. Can't quite recall what it is.

I could never write that way. They tried to teach me that in school too, beginning/middle/end. Crap. Can't do it. I'm defective. So, I just write and hope that my brain will make it all make sense at some point.

It works pretty well, until you write yourself into a corner. I suppose that isn't so bad either. It wouldn't be the first time I did a major re-write of this story.

Maybe it is time for something drastic to happen. There has been a few close calls. But nothing like hanging on for dear life to make the heart sing, right?

Well, only time will tell I guess. I'll have to make something work. But not until tomorrow. Hopefully I can work it out while I sleep!

On Tuesday it will be two months since I sent my stuff off to Harlequin. Not a word.
8 out of 15 never responded.
Oh well.

Skip ahead...skip ahead...skip ahead...

My reading preferences are a lot like my music preferences. I'll listen to anything that has a good beat. I'm not terribly picky.

So, when it comes to books, I try to be open-minded. Although I prefer books with action and suspense as opposed to the ones that just make you think a lot.

I use books to escape thinking not to think more.

For the longest time I really thought I was going to write vampire/werewolf/shifter novels.
I still hope to write at least one.
Before the market was completely saturated I read every vampire/werewolf/shifter story I could get my hands on, romance or not.

I really like the Anita Blake series.
I just recently read another blog, Tessa's Blurb, that summed up some of what I was thinking about Laurell K. Hamilton's current books.
Warning: contains spoilers.
http://tessasblurb.blogspot.com/2010/08/book-review-bullet-by-laurell-k.html

Thank you, Tessa!

I realized after reading her blog that I was a few books behind in the series. Mostly because I don't get to read as much as I used to.
[And when I do it's all about research and defacing books! (Bad Heather!)]
I went to the library and checked out two of them yesterday and started to read.
Don't get me wrong, I still like LKH's writing. I do. But sometimes she is really long winded for me.
A lot like Anne Rice was getting in her vampire series.
And what bugs me a little is the repetitiveness. She will write about something that is going on in Anita's head and then re-hash it all in dialogue.
I get it.
I guess it's just my attention span these days but I can't take it. I'm too used to instant gratification. Sue me.
Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Skip ahead, skip ahead, skip ahead.
So, that's what I did. I skipped ahead.
Bad reader, no cookie!

I know some people are turned off by her other-worldly abilities and having sex with multiple monsters, sometimes at the same time, but it doesn't bother me.
I don't think I would be able to write scenes like that myself. I'm too white bread.
But, I like to read them.
I like that LKH makes it critical.
There is no other choice but to have really kinky sex with this stranger in front of a whole group of other strangers and some of my current lovers who will hate me even more now or like me even more now or everyone I know will die. And a puppy.
Well, hell. And he's gorgeous and has a big package? Damn.

Okay, so I exaggerate a little bit. Actually, not that much.

Thank goodness for fiction.

It was an editing kind of day. I wrote a bunch for the last few days and wanted to make sure it all sounded good. Then I sent it off to my peeps to see if they will like it.

Skip ahead....

Don't rush me!

Wow.
115 pages into the new book and just one kiss. It's like 22,000 words already. I don't have a word count quota or anything but this could be 1/4 of the book and no nookie.

Hmmm.

Let me check something...

BRB

I'm back.
First book, page 90 starts their first love scene. But they had some serious kissing going on before that.

Hey me! Don't rush me!

I like the pace of this new book. I'm not going to rush it just to let them get their groove on. They aren't ready yet anyway. I like the building trust between them. The tension. The interest.

My challenge will be to make it sizzle and not sound like anything I have written before.

Hopefully different characters will want to have different sex.

I hope its not abnormal to talk about characters like that. Like they have a mind of their own. I hope that doesn't mean I've gone partly psycho. Cause I have conversations with them all the time.

For instance, I'm about to switch chapters back to Jack. I've been listening to him all day. He's trying to figure out the mystery. He's trying to figure out the girl. He's trying to figure out his feelings. So, he's talking and I'm listening.

Hopefully I will be able to write down everything he said tomorrow.