Its about FREAKIN' time!

About 3 pages last night. Ahhhhhhh.
That felt pretty good.
It needs some work, but what doesn't?
The important part is that I sat down and wrote it.

It's been a good couple of days. Feeling better. Been reading blogs and hanging on Twitter and Facebook. Family is all back home where we belong.

Was able to watch 2 romantic films recently. They were good stories but I didn't really feel the romance in them.

Don't hate me when I say this, but the last real romantic kiss that I have seen in film was the kiss between ... Edward and Bella in the first movie.
I know! I didn't want to type it, but it's true.
That kiss had...steam and I was holding my breath waiting for it to happen.
I only read the first book of the series but I have watched the first 2 movies (and only because of him). I don't like the writer's vampire concept but there is no doubt that the 2 lead actors have serious chemistry between them. Good or bad, it's there and almost tangible.

I can only hope to convey that when I write those 'oh' so important kissing scenes in the book.

Example of the complete opposite. Just watched Transformers 2. The two main characters don't really kiss. They get close but they never have that real connection with a good solid kiss. I keep waiting but it never happens. Not sure why. Don't know if it was written that way or they just plain didn't feel like letting them kiss but for me it just didn't feel finished.

Off to do some housework. Hoping to write some more tonight.

Swimming to the surface

Once again I would like to thank all of you for your support, your kind words and advice.

When I started this blog I wanted it to be only about ...well...writing.

My journey from the words: The End to signing my name at the bottom of a publishing contract.

Since nothing has been happening on the writing front for days and days, I haven't been here either.

I forced myself to sit down and read the book I am currently trying to write the other day. I still like it. I still like the characters and where they are headed.

I didn't add anything yet.

I mostly just see what might be wrong with it.

And really, I don't want to be that kind of writer. I don't always want to look at technique and usage.

I won't have any fun that way.

It's been a struggle. A struggle to give myself permission to still write even though it won't be for publication. A struggle to accept that I will not be an author, just a writer. A struggle to let go of the dream of writing full time to make my living.

So, I have been sad long enough. I have to be done with the self pity cause it's just too hard. I don't want to be this person who is upset all the time. I don't want to be the writer with a bunch of unfinished ideas.

I want to write.
I want to have fun with my stories and characters.
I want to send parts out to my best buds and get those great emails back saying, where is the next 80 pages!

I want to feel good about my writing again.

If I look up I can clearly make out the surface and I am going to swim as hard as I can to break through.

I have to do it.

"When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.”

The quote applies, but I don't know who wrote it.

My head actually hurts.

I have been incredibly lucky. I wrote for myself all these years. I didn't have to please anyone but me.

Then I finished my first book. It's not the first book I have ever written. It is the first book I have ever finished.

I was so excited that I let my most trusted friends read it. They were incredible. No matter how many things they found wrong, and they found a lot, they kept telling me how much they enjoyed the story.

Then I started to believe.

I thought that maybe this was the one thing, the one talent, that I had that would make me special. I don't have another one. I can't sing or dance. I'm not a good cook. I kill plants just by looking at them. I don't know how to paint or sculpt or craft. I can't put out a fire or solve a murder.

But the writing, that was mine.

I hit a bump in the road. I walked outside my comfort zone and asked for help. I was given the gift of a critique and I folded like a lawn chair. I've found out that I'm not following a million proper writing rules.

I didn't know if I could continue to write, if I should continue to write.

I reached out to my most trusted friends who gave me wonderful supportive advice. Then to my new friends who are reading my blog and they were sympathetic and understanding.

Another friend explained it plainly to me. There are rules to writing, but they are rules of usage. They don't have anything to do with my writing style.

So I decide that I'm going to just push on, onward and upward, forge ahead.

But my head hurts.

I want to write but it's like my head is completely empty.
I want to read but I just stare at the pages.

I'm hoping it's temporary. I'm hoping.

Part 2 of 2 - Removed by HMGardner

Removed by HMGardner

Part 1 of 2 - Removed by HMGardner

Removed by HMGardner