Monday, December 9, 2013

Writing (and reading) is fundamental.

Howdy, Campers!


My goal this week is to reread my WIP and get right back on the super-duper writing wagon when I'm done.


It's a lofty goal, I know, but one I hopefully can get behind and stay behind on my behind.


So, I thought I'd send a little humor your way.


Don't forget to check out The Pay It Forward Book List! Feel free to add your own titles by leaving them in the comments.


Hello and welcome to the mental health hotline.

  • If you are an obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
  • If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
  • If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
  • If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want; stay on the line while we trace your call.
  • If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mother ship.
  • If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
  • If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.
  • If you are dyslexic, press 984764132184.
  • If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
  • If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.
  • If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep. Or after the beep. Or before the beep. Please wait for the beep.
  • If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
  • If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are far too busy to talk to you. 


  1. That last one is killer!
    I'll be connected with the mother ship? Now that would be cool.
    Your Pay it Forward list is awesome.

  2. The small voice doesn't want to tell me. He is being rude.

  3. Wait...what was the number for short term memory loss again?

    Good luck getting back on the writing wagon. I hope to be getting back there myself again someday.

  4. Lol. Those were actually pretty clever. Thanks for sharing!

  5. Beam me up, Scotty!!!
    LOL - this is a hilarious list! Thank you for making me laugh today!


Please leave a message after the beep.