Friday, October 1, 2010

Dear Universe, why do I do such stupid things?

The conversation went like this...
ME: Honey, go into your office. I need to write.
HIM: Why don't you get the first one published?
ME: I'm trying. I need to hear back from HQN. I can't send to the e-publisher I want w/o hearing back from them.
HIM: So, call them.
ME: Who? HQN?
HIM: Yeah.
ME: I don't think you're supposed to do that.
HIM: I'll call them. I could be your agent.
ME: I'll call them.

So, I called HQN in NYC.

A human answered on the third ring!

ME: I thought I would get a machine.
HER: How can I help you?
ME: I sent a query w/ synopsis back in June and I was wondering if there was any way I could find out what happened to it?
HER: Attention to?
HER: Her office is in Canada. They probably sent the letter there.
ME: Oh. I got the info right off your website.
HER: Do you want the Canadian phone number?
ME: Yes. Thank you.

So, I called HQN in Canada.

A human answered on the second ring!

ME: Hello. I sent a query w/ synopsis back in June to the NY office address but I had the attention of MRS. X on it and they think they might have forwarded it to Canada.
HER: I'll transfer you to MRS. X.
ME: Really?
HER: Just a moment.

MRS. X's VoiceMail: Please leave me a message.
ME: Hello. I sent a query w/ synopsis back in June to the NY office but I put your name on it and they may have forwarded it to you. I was just wondering if anyone knew what happened to it? Please call or email me if you have the time. Thank you.

I'm such an ASS!

The UNIVERSE only knows what the FRAK happened to my stupid letter! 


I was so careful. I did my research. I had a database. REALLY!

How the hell did I screw this up?

Maybe, cause they know I'm dumb, they sent it to Istanbul. 

Maybe, for those special letters like mine, they have a huge hole drilled into the Earth's core and they just chuck them down into the fiery hot magma.

Maybe they folded my letter in half and they are using it to keep their desk from wobbling back and forth.


  1. oh my world you are hilarious, its not ur fault if they had the wrong info on the website. Well lets hope Mrs X gets back to you really soon

  2. At least you have an idea of where it could be....follow up, follow up, follow up. Make a pest of yourself until someone reads it.

    If they don't give me the number...I'll find the address, strap on my black belt, and go up there and kick some bootie!

  3. Anon - Ha! I bet you would kick some bootie!
    Technically, according to all my research, you are only supposed to follow up if you are asked to send in a partial or full manuscript. Apparently it is not unusual to wait 14 to 20 weeks for a response to a simple query letter and synopsis. Which is just disturbing. But, of course, I am impatient because I want to send it to the e-publisher. Ho hum.

  4. You are very funny. But good-luck. I hope they let you know where you stand with regards to your query really soon.

    Fingers crossed.

  5. Way to be proactive though! I think if I got to a human who said, "Well, would you like to actually speak with Mrs. X?" I'd say, "Let me call you back after I'm done freaking out."

  6. Murees - Thank you. It would be nice to have a definitive answer.

    Renee - It all happened so quick I didn't know what to think! I couldn't believe I was talking with humans in the first place. I was sure I would get the automated runaround first. It was actually refreshing to have someone to talk to.

  7. Sorry, I just had to comment on this post. I'm still laughing. The last two paragraphs are so good my dog thinks I'm having a convulsion. That is such a good description. I think I, too, have some queries that are down that same hole. (tears in my eyes)

  8. Wendy - I'm glad I could make you laugh but I hope I didn't upset your dog too much! Thanks.


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