Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Who the hell am I kidding?

I don't know what I am doing.
I can't be serious, really.
I'm not a writer or an author.
No one will publish anything I write.

These are the words that are constantly in my head buffeting around, tearing me up, freakin' me out.

I don't know why.
I don't know how to get them out.

I don't know if they should come out.

Maybe if I didn't have that little voice in my head telling me that I suck I wouldn't tell it to fuck off all the time and write anyway.

I'm feeling bi-polar. Do I sound bi-polar?

Writing is so important to me but at the same time I don't think it's going to get me anywhere.

Maybe I just need a nap.

Mrs. X called me yesterday. So awesome of her to take the time. She didn't have my letter/synopsis but asked me to email it to her. I checked and rechecked my work and then emailed it out. Now we wait.

I got so over-confident that I went through my whole book and took out all the curse words and in my star struck haze I hit save.

Luckily, I had saved it to a jump drive recently so I still have the last copy before I changed it.



  1. Mrs. X sounds awesome. At least now you know what is going on with regards to your query.

    You sound like you are in need of a nice holiday. And don't worry about all the self-doubt. I think we all have days like that. You just have to believe in yourself and your ability.

  2. Murees - It's days, it's weeks, it's years. Some days it whispers, some days it shouts. It just depends.
    Thanks though. I know we all go through it.


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