Anyone catch the number of that bus?

Holy crap this was a rough but wonderful holiday.

Nothing bad happened and it was a very enjoyable holiday but I seemed to move through the whole thing in a fog. It was kind of weird. 

This was the first holiday in ... forever ... that I wasn't out on Christmas Eve shopping. 

My husband actually missed it. Apparently he enjoys the negativity of the night before, last minute, get the f@#k out of my way evil shoppers far more than he let on!


So, being done with my shopping days early, and being able to wrap the presents days early as well, left me with nothing to do on Christmas Eve except, well, to enjoy it. 

That's when the fog started.

We have multiple Christmas celebrations. Ours, the in-laws, my parents and the next day at my brother's. It just seemed that I was opening gifts and eating stuff and clinking glasses without really feeling any of it. 


Then I got home and my living room was filled with packages and bags and presents. Where am I supposed to put all this stuff?


I really don't mean to complain, it just seems we make such a big deal getting ready for the holidays and then they come and go so quickly that if you blink you might miss it.


I did have my moment with the tree and it was very lovely and peaceful and well worth the wait.


I hope all of you had a great Christmas and that you have a safe, happy and healthy New Year.


No word from Carina Press yet.


Oh, and cause I'm anal retentive I could really use one more follower to make it an even 50.

So be good for goodness sake!

With Christmas and New Years only a couple of days away I wanted to make sure that I took the time to write a big thank you to all of my wonderful followers and fellow bloggers for making my foray into the blog world a wonderful experience.

I have learned a lot, I have laughed a lot and even had a few sniffles.

I have shared some of my personal thoughts and words and it has been really great to be able to put them out there and get fantastic feedback from this writing community.

I am lucky to be part of it.

I hope you all have a great holiday and stick around with me in the new year. 

Who else will I commiserate with?

Writing inspiration strikes...news at Eleven!

So, there I was sitting at my dining room table (because I had to get my laptop out of the living room) with a room full of house guests (okay, just 2) and I find writing inspiration and have to open my story and start typing.

It was the weirdest thing.

I didn't think I would get to write for days while company was here and yet while they sat in my house, and I should have been conversing over coffee and cookies, I am writing pages of dialogue!

What a rude hostess I am.

It felt good to write though. Especially after a week of house cleaning, shopping and preparing for their visit.

Still getting the hang of this first person thing. Trying to be witty and interesting.
I have yet to let anyone read it though. Maybe when I get a little more accomplished.

Maybe I should go do that now!

Bad blogger...you know Santa is watching!

I know I am a bad blogger lately. 
Not much to report on the writing front. 

Very busy at home recently which is a good thing. My fundraiser is over and went very well. Had extra work to do for a local election. That went well. Now I have some family visiting for a week and we are preparing for Christmas. 

It's all coming together nicely, just doesn't leave a lot of time for writing or blogging.

I hope all of you are busy with wonderful things as well.

I counted the other day and my submission has been with Carina Press for about 8 weeks. They say to wait either 14 or 16 weeks for a response. That will be sometime at the end of January I think. Long time to wait for either answer. 

Patience. 

Need more patience.

I'm having an affair.

I've commited an act of betrayal.
I'm cheating...on my story...with another story.

I guess writing is writing, right?

I mentioned recently that I had an idea for another story and I decided to jot down a few notes so that I would remember everything. 10 pages later I have my first chapter.

I didn't mean for it to happen.
I didn't set out trying to put one before the other.
It just happened.
I just wrote.

So, I really can't complain.

So, I won't!

YEAH! WORDS! YEAH!

And...here is the weirdest part! I am writing in my main female character's point of view.  I have never done that before. I'm hoping it goes well, but I may miss being able to 'hear' the thoughts of my main male character.

We shall see.

Let's hope that after my next fundraiser (tomorrow) is over I will have some more time on my hands before the evil Christmas is upon us all. Then maybe I can get back out here to the computer and write some more!

YEAH!!!

And...this is my 100th blog post. I appreciate all of you that come to visit and read my rants. HMG
 

Deceive. Inveigle. Obfuscate.

My conviction remains intact that the mechanism by which Aboah killed and in turn survived, can only be explained by medical science, and that science will eventually discover his place in the broader context of evolution. But what science may never be able to explain is our ineffable fear of the alien among us; a fear which often drives us not to search for understanding, but to deceive, inveigle, and obfuscate. To obscure the truth not only from others, but from ourselves.  DS

Among Halverson's belongings, I found a children's book of Norse legends. From what I can tell, the pictures show the end of the world - not in a sudden firestorm of damnation as the Bible teaches us, but in a slow covering blanket of snow. First the moon and the stars will be lost in a dense white fog, then the rivers and the lakes and the sea will freeze over. And finally a wolf named Skoll will open his jaws and eat the sun, sending the world into an everlasting night. I think I hear the wolf at the door.  DS

Don't write this book. You'll perform a disservice through a field of inquiry that has always struggled for respectability. You're a gifted writer, but no amount of talent could describe the events that occurred in any realistic vein because they deal with alternative realities that we're yet to comprehend. And when presented in the wrong way, in the wrong context, the incidents and the people involved in them can appear foolish, if not downright psychotic. I also know that your publishing house is owned by Warden White, Incorporated ... a subsidiary of MacDougall-Kesler, which makes me suspect a covert agenda for your book on the part of the military-industrial-entertainment complex.  FM

Whatever happened to playing a hunch, Scully? The element of surprise, random acts of unpredictabilty? If we fail to anticipate the unforeseen or expect the unexpected in a universe of infinite possibilities, we may find ourselves at the mercy of anyone or anything that cannot be programmed, categorized or easily referenced.  FM

I'm the key figure in an on-going government charade, the plot to conceal the truth about the existence of extraterrestrials. It's a global conspiracy, actually, with key players in the highest levels of power, that reaches down into the lives of every man, woman, and child on this planet. So, of course, no one believes me. I'm an annoyance to my superiors, a joke to my peers. They call me Spooky. Spooky Mulder, whose sister was abducted by aliens when he was just a kid and who now chases after little green men with a badge and a gun, shouting to the heavens or to anyone who will listen that the fix is in, that the sky is falling and when it hits it's gonna be the shit-storm of all time.  FM

In all my wildest dreams I would write like this.

I wish I could convey my thoughts as easily as this. I wish my vocabulary was this fantastic and enjoyable. I used to write down all my favorite quotes from the show to try and capture some of the genius. To copy the cadence. To steal the amazing essence of the writer's room for The X-Files.

I really think that back in my teens and even twenties I was a better writer. I'm not saying I was some sort of wordsmith but I had more flair. I was more eloquent. I wrote with more passion. I didn't struggle to finish a paragraph or even a thought. I had so many ideas back then I could fill notebooks in what seemed days. My head overflowed with so much dialogue that I had to keep a pad and pencil with me to write it down.

What happened? Not sure.
Life. Marriage. Work. House. Child. 
Any of those? All of those?

I'd like to think that some of the brain cells that I used up getting to where I am will begin to reform now that I am here.
I can only hope that something inside my head will click back on and help me get back on track.

Did you miss me? Yeah, that's what I thought!

It seems like it's been ages since I wrote a blog post but technically it's been less than a week.
My last post was the blog hop and I did get some new followers -- Hello to all of you -- and I shared a great story about my husband's first gift to me.
It was fun to write, even if he didn't think it was appropriate to post things about him on the internet.
So, lesson to me, ask husband before you blog about him.

After I posted my last blog I was away for a few days and then I had some stuff to do at my son's school.

Needless to say I spent most of this morning finally reading all the blog hop entries and leaving comments.

WHEW! 

There were quite a few and they were all interesting to read. Check out the list in the last blog if you are interested.

Back to my trip...I always think better driving in the truck. I especially like to drive by myself for long distances so I can let my thoughts meander along with the road. I've written many a scene that way.
Although I wasn't driving on the way down to our destination I did have lots of time to think and I may have worked out some of my story issues. 
What story you ask? The story that hasn't seen the light of day in about a month. That story. I was having serious doubts about fixing the plot problems in this one but I may have figured it all out thanks to the truck!

When will I get back to the story? 
Well, your guess is as good as mine.

I may have also come up with another story idea.
I attended a college football game at a small university on Saturday night.
I was sitting next to this complete stranger on the cold metal bleachers. Sometimes when you sit next to someone you try not to bump into each other, you try to keep your parts to yourself. Due to the cold temperatures, it didn't really seem to be an issue. Everyone in our section was kind of huddled together for shared warmth.
I just kept thinking how interesting it would be to meet a guy this way. Maybe rival teams too. Maybe they were set up by a mutual friend with two tickets. I will have to work on it a bit. I don't have time to write about it now but if I don't write down some ideas I will be asking you guys what I meant in six months.

No word from Carina Press as of this date. Not sure how long it will be before I hear from them.

If I don't get the chance to blog again this week then please have a happy and safe Thanksgiving Day.

His gift to me.

I'm posting my First Gifts blog hop entry a day early because I won't have access to my computer tomorrow. I'm looking forward to reading all the great stories (by phone).
I hope you enjoy mine.

Chris, my husband, is wonderful...but...sneaky.
He likes to play tricks on me.
He likes to keep secrets.
He likes withholding information.
I'm thinking he always wanted to be in the CIA but couldn't pass their psych eval.

We had only been dating a few months when Christmas came along. My parents invited us over for Christmas dinner and presents.

I honestly don't recall what I purchased for him that first holiday but I will always recall what he gave to me.

My present was inside a large shirt box. It had some weight to it as he placed it on my lap.

This was my introduction to the 'Gardner Wrapping Method'. If using practically an entire roll of scotch tape to seal every single edge of paper down to the package is normal, well, I've never heard of it before.

I finally found a flaw and ruthlessly dug at it until I was able to rip away the brightly colored paper.
Plain box top. Nothing to give away a hint.
I lifted the lid away and found a tissue paper covered rectangle shaped present.
It was a book.
I could tell.
I was thrilled. 
It meant so much to me that this guy, this sweet new man in my life, had understood me well enough to know that I loved books.
What a perfect gift.
Does he know I love romance?
Did he stumble on to the perfect mystery?
Did he choose a book of classic fiction short stories?
Did he find a coffee table book with stunning photography?
My fingers, shaking with excitement, pull back the stark white paper...

Huh.
It's...well...it's...
Huh.

Reader's Digest Great Events of the 20th Century: How They Changed Our Lives 

Huh.

Chris gave me a book about history.

A history book.

Isn't history his favorite subject?

Is this cover ripped?

Is this a used history book?

Did he buy this book from a used book store or did he take it right off his shelf at home?

When I finally look up, trying to hide even the slightest bit of disappointment from my face, I realize that Chris is trying to hold in his laughter so hard that he has almost passed out in his cup of egg nog.

Receiving dirty looks from my mother, I bite my lip, find my manners and tell him as sincerely as I can, "Thank you. I love books. This one will surely be an interesting read."

This is where he almost falls out of his chair. His eyes are shiny with tears because he is trying so hard not to laugh. 

"What's so funny?" I finally ask.

He composes himself briefly. "You don't like it."

"I do."

"No, you don't."

"I'm sure it's full of great information."

I don't remember how long he made me wait. It might have been a few minutes later or longer. Chris finally told me that there was something else in the book.

I guess I was supposed to page through the history book in awe and appreciation and 'accidentally' come across my actual gift.

Hidden in the back was an envelope that contained a gift certificate to a local salon. He gave me the gift of self-pampering.

I could tell you that this is where it ended but it wouldn't be true. He still tricks me all the time. He threw me a surprise birthday party. He secretly bought me this laptop. He hides presents at the homes of our family. He has other people purchase gifts so I won't know about them. He even has someone follow me at our local holiday craft fair and report back.

To him, it's a game.

To me, Chris is the best gift I ever got.

First Gifts Blog Hop - Liz Fichera

Come back on Friday for my story. It's about the first gift I ever received from my husband.

First Gifts Blog Hop: You're Invited!

Do you remember the first gift you ever received from your boyfriend? Girlfriend? Spouse? Life partner? Did you get something sparkly? A mood ring that turned your finger purple? Sexy lingerie? An ugly puppy? A toaster? If you've got a story to tell--funny, sad, or in-between--I'd love it if you'd join me and the cool chicks at The Mojito Literary Society in our blog hop next weekend. Virtual mojitos and chocolate cupcakes will be served. Here are the deets:

Who's Invited: Everyone! Anyone can post a story or hop around or both!

When: November 19 - November 21

Why: Because laughter is the best medicine, or something cheesy like that. And we're basically nosey. Seriously, this blog hop should be a blast!

How: All you have to do is click on the linky link below and join! Then on November 19, post your story. And if you have a photo to share, even better! Your story does not have to be long. In fact, I'd recommend no more than 500 words. You can even post the linky link html code below to your blog if you're feeling techy. ;-)

Prizes: What are we, 12 years old?! There are no prizes and definitely no judging. Blech! Just the satisfaction of reading other people's stories, making new friends, following new blogs, and generally having a good time. What's not to like? "Tis the season, too. We all might as well get in the gifty mood.

Anything else?: Please include the cute little Blogger Button above in your November 19 post because, well, what's a blog hop without a cute lil' blogger button? Any help you could provide in spreading the word about this blog hop--your own blogs, Twitter, Facebook, skywriting, bull horns--would surely be appreciated!

And a one, and a two and a three!

Oh where, oh where did my mojo go?

Oh where, oh where can it be?

It's getting annoying, it sure does blow,

Oh where, oh where did it flee?

Sorry. It's about the only creative thing I've come up with in days.

BUT...I want to write a 500 word story for this fun blog hop from Liz Fichera's Blog.
Anyone can join and it's a great way to find other blogs you might like and for them to find you.
The story needs to be about a 'first gift' that you received from someone special. 
Check out the link for more information.
It's just for fun. 
That's why I want to participate.  
No pressure. No judgment. No worries.

That's probably why I'm having so much trouble with my story. I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself.
I know that people (my 'editors') want to read it.
I want it to be better than my last one (because that one went no where).
I want it to make sense.
I want to follow all of these rules and regulations that I have read about recently.

But, I'm not having any fun. I'm not constantly wondering what the characters are going to say to each other. I'm not excited to sit down and write and see where it takes me. I'm looking at it like ... work. 

And that sucks.

Until I can figure out a happy medium I will just continue to wander around without direction.

Crossing my fingers that I will find my mojo soon.

A moment to thank my husband.

A thank you to my husband for his service to this country and for being an all around great guy.

My husband was already home from his military service when I met him. He was a member of the United States Air Force. He served 8 years and was deployed overseas for Desert Storm. He was fortunate to be stationed all over the US and was able to travel to Europe and the Middle East.

He doesn't talk about his service much but when he does he spins amazing tales about the places he visited and the people that he met.

Knowing that I wanted to spin my own stories he bought me a laptop so I could write my 'great American' romance novel. I thought I would pump out a few books, become famous and make him a stay-at-home dad.

I failed.

But he still believes in me and that means more to me than anything else.

When I feel like crap because I received yet another rejection or when I get feedback explaining that I have more work to do, he refuses to make a big deal about it and tells me to get back to it.

He's my best friend, a fantastic husband, and an amazing father.

Thanks for being in my life.

What's another word for procrastinate? Never mind, I'll look it up later.

I did everything but write this morning. 

Bad Heather!

I think all of my creative writing energy was sucked out of my body last week and I just couldn't get it back today.

I had good intentions.

Sat down with my cup of coffee at my laptop and pulled up all of my programs.

And then...

I read and sent some emails.
Checked Facebook.
Posted information on 2 upcoming fundraisers.
Checked Twitter.
Read some local news.
Checked blogs.


I guess I was really trying to avoid writing today and I actually feel bad about that. I wanted to finish some important stuff before the holidays started to take over my life.


But, you can't write until you are ready.


I should know that by now. If I try to force myself to write, I'll end up having to delete most if not all of it. Worse, I might sit there and stare at a blank screen for too long and that would suck.


Creative writing energy will come back my way. I just have to trust it. 


Meanwhile, I should do some housework. Laundry, dishes, clean out the sock drawer.
Something.

Give it to me straight!

A giant 'THANK YOU' goes out to Christine Bell for critiquing the first two chapters of my current story.

Considering her epic life right now, with her second book in her series released and more on the way, it was really great of her to take the time out to help me.

And help me she did.
She gave me a lot of great ideas and advice in a very considerate and professional manner.

Sure, she ripped me up one side and down the other, but I deserved it. I'm sure the skin will grow back soon.

Then she did something REALLY evil.
She challenged me. 

Yeah, like a dare.

Dare: to have the courage to contend against, venture, or try.

Oh! That is just TOO much!

So, after I kicked myself for a while, had a little sniffle and then had a brief flogging session, I decided to get back to work.

There are now sticky notes all over my laptop to remind me of just a handful of things.

Things that I should always remember. 

Things that I should work harder at.

Things that I should avoid.

And to get up now and then to pee.

DAMN! My own book is kicking my ass, and I'm only on page four!! 

Brief tangent: I went to the library this afternoon. While I was perusing the shelves I came across this book.  Thanks, but this isn't for us: a (sort of) compassionate guide to why your writing is being rejected by Jessica Page Morrell.

Thought I would give it a look and see if I can steal any more important tidbits for my crazy sticky notes of wisdom. 

Tangent over: point being...I'm not going to give up. 

I'm going to keep trying.

I will never write the way Christine does.

I will never write the way my favorite authors do.

That is not my voice.

But right now, my voice is being lazy.

Sure, the words are getting down on paper (so to speak), but they aren't the best words that I know I can write.

"If those are my last words, I can do better." F. Mulder

Blog observations

I'm fascinated at reading other writer's blogs. I am continually surprised at the different methods everyone has for writing.

Some writer's need music. - I personally don't like to listen to the TV or to music when I'm writing. I have a constant music soundtrack in my head anyway. My best time to write is when everyone in the house is asleep or out.


Some writer's need specific food or drink. - I down a lot of coffee while I write. I do snack, which is bad when you sit all the time, but I no longer smoke, so that vice was replaced with food.


Some writer's plan ahead and some don't. - I'm not much of a planner when writing. Which is such a contradiction to the rest of my life. I have lists and plans and back-up plans. Yep, freak. But writing a story I need to have more of an open mind, use more flow.


Some writer's like the pressure of a deadline. - Not really me. I tried to give myself a daily goal and then I fought against it. I've managed to handle a few blogfest deadlines. Thinking of National Novel Writing Month, I would never be able to pull that off. More power to the ones that are trying.

Some writer's have awesome writing spaces. - I sit on the couch. It's not ideal but it's where I'm most comfortable right now. There is a blogfest out there that was just to send in a picture of your writing space. I shuddered when I thought about my space. I should really think about making a better home for myself. Maybe I if I put some effort into that, I would put more effort in to the writing. 
You never know.


Some writer's still write with pad and pen. - For years I wrote in 5-subject notebooks. I used to enjoy it. I've done so much damage to my hands now that gripping a pen for any length of time cramps my fingers so badly I have to stop. I'll stick with the laptop.


Some writers spend time on their blog and reading other writer's blogs instead of finishing the scene they were working on. You know, the one they wanted to finish by Friday of last week and now it's Tuesday of this week and the scene is still sitting there, half done, waiting for closure? That one? 


Yeah.

Golly!

On Blogger and Twitter I follow author Christine Bell.

I read her book, Pray, which is the first book in her series The wolves of Pray.

Good book. Interesting characters. Hot! 

Christine's second book in the series, Awakening, has just been released. Will be reading that one very soon. 

She has been giving a couple interviews...

Interview with a werewolf

Interrogation room 

...and they were interesting and well done. 

For fun Christine Bell was giving away a 10 page critique of your manuscript if you left your 'best line' on the blog. Even though I broke the rules and entered 2 lines instead of one, (and only 2 other people left their best lines), I managed to win! YEAH!!!

My thanks go to Melinda B. Pierce and Christine Bell.

Here is the line-s:

Jack from Maguire's Corner.
 
Closing the door he found her laundered underwear hanging from a hook to dry. Impure thoughts of her wearing the tiny satin black garments were outdone only by the thought that she currently wasn’t wearing them under his borrowed t-shirt. 


Now I have been invited to send my 10 pages to Christine Bell and I'm freakin' out!  I will have to triple check those pages in the morning and maybe again in the afternoon (and maybe once more) before I get the nerve to send it to her. 

Tiptoeing through the sex.

The fine line I walk writing a love scene.

I teeter between too flowery, too generic, too clinical, too graphic.

I've said before, I don't mind graphic. I like to read it, I just don't think I want to write it. 

I'm a little old school.

So the dance continues and kept me up last night. One something in the morning and I'm sitting on my couch deciding how he is going to touch her and how she will react to being touched.


It's like I'm spying on them.
I'm a voyeur. 
Watching, waiting. 

Deciding.


To be completely honest, I like it.

I like watching.
I like deciding.
I like being in charge.
I like causing their joy.
I like causing them pain.

So, who knew I was so twisted?

Oh! Now I remember! She has Ka-Razma!

It occurred to me this morning, as I was staring at the blank white computer screen, that I am not Maggie, my lead female character of my current book.

I am not Maggie and Maggie is soooooo not me.

Maggie is hip and hot.
Smart and sassy. 
Cute and funny.

Maggie is young and beautiful.

She doesn't have a bunch of hang-ups.
She doesn't have body size issues.
She doesn't have trunk sized emotional baggage.

If Maggie wants something, she gets it.
And she wants Jack.

God, I'm stupid.

Maybe I need a sticky note on my monitor reminding me of who I am supposed to writing as so I don't get stuck again for however many weeks it's been.

I haven't finished the scene yet, they seem to take longer to write than to ... never mind.

But I have been able to get them started and that was the biggest speed bump.

Very pleased with that and I will be even more pleased if I can finish this scene this week. 

See that, I gave myself a goal.

I wanted to thank everyone again for coming to my blog the other day to read my short story blogfest entry and leaving comments.
It was fun to write.
It was supposed to be 500 words and I did go over by a few but I thought it was necessary. 

It was nice to be over for a change!

The theme of the comments was the word 'creepy'. I hadn't intended it to be creepy when I wrote it. I was going for suspenseful or dramatic. But creepy is pretty cool too.

It might be a while before I try that again. There are so many blogfests out there you could almost make a full time job out of it. I'm not always the best at coming up with instant ideas. 

Go figure.

Cinderella's Shoe Blogfest Entry

Cinderella's Shoe Blogfest

   “Hello?” she called out, walking through the back door of the lecture hall.

There was no reply. The place was empty except for the man she could see sitting on the corner of a desk down by the blackboard at the front of the room. He was reading something by the light of his desk lamp.

She cautiously walked down the steps toward him. The lighting in the aisle was dim and she didn’t want to trip on her way down.

That was certainly an impression she wanted to avoid making.

Being a librarian at a university people constantly assumed that she would fit some stereotype.

Melinda was definitely not a bookworm, bun wearing, square heeled, two left feet having, no fun girl.

Except for the bookworm part.

The teacher had yet to notice her. But she was noticing all sorts of things about him. Since he was sitting she couldn’t gauge his height but it appeared he had very wide shoulders and long legs. His hair was a soft brown color and neatly styled. He wore jeans, sneakers and a button down denim shirt.

She was only a few feet away. Before she was able to announce herself again the man let out a huge bark of laughter and scared her causing the book she was carrying to almost slip from her grasp.

     “Hi!” he said when he saw her. “Didn’t mean to startle you. Sometimes the students write the funniest material I’ve ever read.”

     “Funny? Aren’t you a criminology teacher?” she asked, her heartbeat just beginning to settle.

     “Crime can be hilarious,” he said with a smile.

Melinda smiled in return enjoying the view of his moss green eyes behind his trendy eyeglass frames.

     “I’m returning this. I found it in the book drop,” she said.

He stood and closed the distance between them to take the book and then looked at the cover.

     “Intro to Criminology. Excellent book.”

     “So, what was so funny?” she asked.

Melinda had to admit she found this man attractive and didn’t want to go back to the stuffy library just yet.

     “The students submitted papers on committing the perfect murder for a writing contest. Some of their techniques are genius. A few of their methods of body disposal are really comical.”

     “That sounds interesting.”

     “It is.”

     “Perhaps I should be nervous working in a place where there is a class full of potential murderers,” she joked.

     “Anyone can be a murderer but you have to pick the right victim. For instance, Melinda, you walked right into this classroom without a thought to your own safety. You live alone, you aren’t close with your family and you wouldn’t be missed for several days.”

     “What? I mean - how did - how do you know all that?” she asked, confusion clear in her voice.

     “It’s my job to know.”

     “You aren’t Professor Doyle,” Melinda said in comprehension.

     “No, I’m not.”

Melinda’s frozen feet finally started to move her backwards. She wondered, for the first time in her young life, how fast she could run.

    “Who are you?” she asked.

    “I’m the contest winner.”

When words fail you...edit!

I was getting pretty frustrated with the whole 'I have nothing to write' thing but I'm figuring there is some sort of pattern here and I just need to ride it out.

So, I did some editing instead.

Not quite as satisfying as getting a few pages written but still proactive.

I may know what the problem is.

As I mentioned before I am at the point where my two characters are going to finally get to do more than kiss! YEAH!

In the first book there was so much fiery passion up to this point that it was easy to get them to bed. It was a moral imperative!


This one isn't so clear cut.

They have been a little luke warm with each other and I'm wondering if I have to go back and ramp things up a bit to make it more believable.
I guess I was going for more romantic in this story but I'm not sure I'm up for that. 

Yes, I know it's a 'romance' novel but it doesn't have to be all flowery and gross.

I like the 'throw them up against the wall' kind of thing most of the time.

Not saying there isn't situations that call for sweetness and light, there is, but I don't think this is one of them.

I guess I prefer to write the frantic moments.
When they need each other so bad it's tangible.
When the heat in the room causes furniture to combust.
When the feel of skin on skin causes the world to stop rotating and gravity ceases to exist.


I'm not feeling any of that at this point and I think that might be causing my writing dilemma.


I'll have to go back and see if I can add some spice so that these two characters don't have to wait any longer and I can get back to work.

Your writing ability will be disabled 'til whenever due to maintenance.

How appropriate! I logged on to my blog to bitch about how I still haven't written anything and there was this message from the 'management' about image uploading being disabled for maintenance. 

Too bad I can't upload either!


Wish my brain would just let me know when it was down for maintenance! That would be so helpful.

"Heather, this is that tiny part of your brain that has that need to write fiction stories. I am giving you a 'heads up' to let you know that I am down for maintenance this week. So, don't even bother to try and write at this time. Anything that might come out will be total crap and you will have to delete it. More than likely you will just stare at the screen and absolutely nothing will come to you and you will feel like a pathetic loser for a short time. Don't fret. I'll be back on soon and you will be typing that story (that you have no idea where it's going) in no time at all! See you in a week or so!"


I am way too distracted to write anyway. Volunteer work, job hunting and apparently my child, who I will refer to here as The Spawn, is really bad during school and I am getting notes home all the time about his behavior. This of course, requires me to spend more time asking him 'why?' so I can hear 'I don't know' over and over followed by the 'shrug'!

Lovin' my life.

Hoping my words return very soon.

Stuck...in...molasses...

I haven't written a word in days.
And I can tell already that it's almost that 'time of year'.
The time of year when I've got too much crap to do and not enough time to write.
I've got multiple fundraisers going on, one for October, one for November and one for December. They take up a lot of time with booking and advertising.

If I squint, I can just see the holidays coming up in the distance.
Once Halloween hits, my favorite holiday, it's all down hill from there.

But, there is this one part I look forward to every year.

In our home we do celebrate the commercial version of Christmas.
We decorate the house and trim the tree. We sing songs and have great dinners with our family.
We open presents and watch football.
Done.

The one moment that is all mine. 

Everyone has gone to bed and the house is dark and quiet. I pour one last cup of coffee and curl up on the couch with a fuzzy blanket. Within moments one of the cats is looking for a comfy spot on my lap.

I turn the Christmas tree back on.

The Douglas Fir is filled with small white lights and it makes the whole room shine. Each lovingly remembered ornament sparkles in the soft light.

For me, it's like turning on peace.

Here we go...again...

I emailed Carina Press today. Now we wait.

I read on a blog the other day some tips for smoothing out your manuscript.
She said: Avoid stating the obvious.
For example: stand up and/or sit down.

So, I went through my current project with the 'find' function and HOLY CRAP do I use those a lot!

Before I sent off my first story to Carina I made sure to look for this as well. HOLY CRAP I used them a lot in that one too!


I made some minor adjustments.


She had other great suggestions on her blog but I didn't check for them all.
Maybe I should have.


I was going to send to another e-publisher as well but they state in their submission guidelines that they publish erotic fiction. 

Hmmm. There is sex in my books, but I don't think it's considered 'erotic'.

After trying to look up proper definitions for erotic fiction, and probably getting flagged by the porn police, I am still not sure what makes the jump from romantic sex to erotic sex in books.

My only guess at this point would be wording. I don't use certain words while describing sex. Call me a prude. I don't want my story to sound like Penthouse forum.

These words don't bother me. I've probably used them all. But I think certain words can take the romance right out of the sex scene.


So, for now, I won't be sending to that e-publisher. Maybe next week I'll start a new list of agents/publishers to send to.


I haven't written in a few days. Guess I'm making up for my write-a-thon a few days ago. I have been looking for a 'real' part-time job so that seems to be taking up all my time and energy right now.


My brain also knows that the big love/sex scene is coming up and maybe it's not ready to write it yet. It takes a lot of work to make those scenes sound believable and not silly or clinical.


Tough life, huh?

Thanks but no thanks...

I got the letter from HQN.

Thank you, but no thank you. 

So be it.

Next.

It's all making sense now.

When I was a teenager I had a hard time.
My life was cake compared to some people and worse than others.
I've always been a middle of the road kinda gal.

I hated school. Hated homework. Hated teachers. Hated the other kids. Hated me. Hated my life.

In order to escape my dull, uninteresting, hateful life, I created stories, mostly in my head, but sometimes I wrote them down.

It was usually about me meeting an awesome famous guy and being whisked away to a more glamorous life. 
Rock stars.
Actors.
It didn't matter.

So, it makes sense that when I am feeling low, unloved and bi-polar, that I would write more. In the last 2 days I think I have written almost 15 pages. That may not seem like much, but for me to crank out in 2 days, it's a lot. Granted, most of it is dialogue, and pretty rough, but still very important to the plot.

It's a sucky way to write though. I don't like feeling like that. 
But, what are you gonna do? 
You have to go where the muse takes you I suppose.

Who the hell am I kidding?

I don't know what I am doing.
I can't be serious, really.
I'm not a writer or an author.
No one will publish anything I write.

These are the words that are constantly in my head buffeting around, tearing me up, freakin' me out.


I don't know why.
I don't know how to get them out.

I don't know if they should come out.

Maybe if I didn't have that little voice in my head telling me that I suck I wouldn't tell it to fuck off all the time and write anyway.

I'm feeling bi-polar. Do I sound bi-polar?


Writing is so important to me but at the same time I don't think it's going to get me anywhere.


Maybe I just need a nap.


Mrs. X called me yesterday. So awesome of her to take the time. She didn't have my letter/synopsis but asked me to email it to her. I checked and rechecked my work and then emailed it out. Now we wait.


I got so over-confident that I went through my whole book and took out all the curse words and in my star struck haze I hit save.


Luckily, I had saved it to a jump drive recently so I still have the last copy before I changed it.


Idiot.